Primarily formed during childhood, an inner template or blueprint of enmeshment may be harder to observe, which asks for loyalty at the expense of the self. This has been referred to as an “energetic spider web” that creates a holding pattern during adulthood, forming an inability to differentiate one’s self—independent from their family of origin or other fields of relating, in which significant enmeshed bonding or trauma has occurred.

Often, experiences of enmeshment from childhood are extended, reproduced and acted out in relationships during adulthood. These may appear as codependency, incite behaviours of self-sabotage, create attachment or commitment issues, and most importantly, establish the inability to sense individual emotional needs and desires to create an inner world of independent feelings.

Additionally, there may have been adjustments to these experiences, such as destructive patterns with substances (alcohol, drugs, etc.) and other behaviours (sex, pornography, etc.), which are primary acts of “self-soothing” and pursuits of altered (differentiated) states in order to make something conscious.

To emerge from formative experiences of enmeshment, the importance of (re-learning) ‘self-care’ provides the bookends for clarity and the time/space to process and grow. The process of differentiation allows space for an authentic self to emerge, which encourages advocating for one’s needs and implementing boundaries. Newly-formed boundaries become structures that give rise to knowing and inhabiting one’s self.

Observations of the individual as part of ‘fields of relating’ in outer landscapes and how these experiences are both internalised and expressed in ‘contact.’ I am interested in how these can become expressions of enmeshment. The formation and impact is the primary research, which can only be explored by being present in the culture of relating.